Advise to Inlaw’s of daughter

Father was very happy within his married life. He had an exceptionally beautiful and talented wife as Manju and awfully nice in-laws as Prabhuji, maheshjee and Ashokjee. He used to adore and respect Prabhushankar for his courage, leadership, hard work and determination. Seeing Prabhushankar the father had changed his concept in life as

“It is not necessary to have good education. Education is the knowledge of what mankind has obtained in last 4000 years of experience. Education teaches you to follow what your ancestors have done, learning from their mistakes and gaining from their successes. Everything looks good but education makes you slave of your ancestors by thoughts. A less educated person works naturally and (s)he does not care. This working naturally is what provides success to an uneducated person”.

Prabhuji has reached to heights of success where very highly educated people don’t reach in their entire lifetime. Father believes that his less education was the reason of his success because he was natural. Dhirubhai Ambani was class eight failed but nobody could argue his capabilities

The father used to respect Mahesh Agarwal for his intelligence, courtesy and behavior. In his troubled times father had received exceptional help from in laws. Father was finding himself obliged getting associated with such a wonderful family.

Then what went wrong? Why there were so many tussles in Haldiram family in Kolkata? Father analyzed everything very recently after the trouble evoked between him and Manju Agarwal and his analysis is as follows:

On occasions father witnessed “fits of rage” in his wife Manju. There was something peculiar in her behavior. She would sometimes throw household items, break glass windows from fist, break water filled glass bottles from forehead, break electrical board from punch, bump her head with walls, shout abnormally, repeat sentences when angry, pretend to jump from top floor etc. These behaviors were witnessed in span of last 24 years. Initially the intensity of those behaviors was controllable or rather the father used to control that by hugging the wife strongly and by showing passionate love and affection. Also in the first 10 years of marriage the level of attraction was high. But soon the things were out of control of father. Father soon incautiously developed the habit of ignoring the “fits of rage” and spent more time in work. But this did not stop her and the severity of “Fits of Rage” increased as time elapsed. Father did not realize that or rather did not give it a damn thought and kept him busy at work

Towards the end the “Fits of Rage” would become extremely violent. Her voice would change when angry. During year 2011-2012 she would complain that she was undergoing depression and she would even see some doctor. She said she was benefited through the medicine of doctor but lastly she revealed that she was having problems from the medicines and she stopped that completely. Father mistakenly did not give importance to all this. Her “Fits of rage” would now occur more frequently. She would physically hit the children but she would all the more love them

After father was made to stay away from her he thought heavily on all these. Law works according to laid principles of law and society works on its conservativeness. Nobody has time to deeply think the issue. Very few people have even come till this point of the blog. Medical science only solves 1% of human mystery. This is only the human mind which can think beyond limits and analyze and sometimes suggest remedy based on some statistics although proofs are not always available. Thoughts in this blog are individual and are not binding on others nor are there any intentions to blame anybody.

Father flash backed the behaviors and attitudes of other family members. He remembered that on several occasions he heard and ignored in his life that Prabhuji

1)      Had beaten up severely his staff

2)      Had fought with customer and had become physical

3)      Had threatened somebody for dire consequences

4)      Was very angry and did some unthinkable acts

5)      Had fought with  people who asked Pooja subscription

6)      Fought with the lawyer who demanded extra money

7)      Assaulted his brother-in-law (father in present context)

8)      Gave supari to kill tea vendor (Everybody knows)

There was one thing in common in all those incidents. He was in “Fits of rage” while committing the above acts. Our law defines some of the above acts as crime. After the analysis father now believes that Prabhuji is as simple as a child. He is a lovable man but gets out of control when in “Fits of rage”

Father remembers hearing that around two years back Maheshjee had broken each and every article in his home and had stayed around four months or so outside his residence. Maheshjee has troubled marriage life

Father remembers hearing that the third brother Ashok Agarwal would assault his wife quite often. He remembers that once his (Ashok’s) wife was going to leave the residence but due to intervention of elders the matter was resolved

In the family there are some other members also in next generation (names withheld) who exhibit similar behaviors. Marriage was done to some members of family thinking that that person would recover after marriage but that did not happen and the life of spouse was spoilt. There is irony in the system that once a marital tie is laid it is difficult and painful process to break it

Father has seen the “Fits of rage” symptoms in daughter which is in early stage. daughter is highly intelligent, beautiful and understanding child otherwise

Now the million dollar question comes as how to handle the “Fits of Rage” situation and the subject. As per father’s experience, research and analysis here is the remedy:

1)      Don’t ever try to medicate the subject. This will make the things more complicated. Father has practically witnessed it with one family member

2)      Whenever the “Fits of Rage” occurs handle the subject very carefully. Don’t ignore them. They are very intelligent people. They will understand your ignorance. Listen to them carefully and obey them at that time. Disobeying them will increase the problem. Do commitments to do as they say. Later on you can defy your commitments, they will not complain

3)      Never try to play with them when they are in “Fits of rage”. You will be playing with fire by doing this. Take them seriously and love them. They are not harmful. They only need a different treatment from others when they are in “Fits of rage” situation

4)      A prior knowledge about them is helpful. “Fits of Rage” will occur. You cannot stop it. With a little handle and care you will be having an extremely sincere, honest, capable and intelligent person with you

With this new discovery of father the mystery of his estranged relationships with his wife solves. Each and every action of these people can now be explained. If anything unexpected has already happened its explanation can be given and an alternative approach can be assessed.

Father does not want to hide anything so that unexpected thing happens in future of the married life of daughter. Her spouse should take care of her through above remedies. The spouse should take little precautions as to lead a happy married life

Father has further researched in the matter and found following articles in internet:

1. Anger is in the gene: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/science-news/5270316/Anger-is-in-the-genes.html
2. Anger and Aggression in women: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/03/070309103136.htm